every body, EVERYBODY!

Ya girl is struggling.

The picture above is one of my most sacred pieces of art. It’s my body. The body that carried two souls earthside. I can look at this photo and think of how magnificent it was to accomplish that and see how my body fought. But, what about now? After the changes? After the “birth” has passed? How do I see myself in todays light?

It is hard to say. It is hard just to get these words typed out.

My body, your body, every body, everybody! 

I've had this continual battle with my body in the last year or so. Coming out of my second pregnancy and realizing that some things just aint going backkkkkkkk. I think that's why I struggled with coming to terms with being pregnant the first time around with Luna. Here I was, finally working out and running regularly, on a great vegan diet, being a newlywed for seven months, and then... your body, your hormones, your everything goes out the window and completely out of your control. That relinquishing control is the game changer. Realizing that you have absolutely no say over your body anymore. 

After my second pregnancy with Rhema I had a painful case of hip dysplasia after delivery and I was in a full hip brace for three months. Just to walk ten minutes was difficult and I wasn't used to these type of hinderances in my physical body. And that, that right there will play tricks on your mind. You're already struggling with your recovery, your new baby, and your newly loved body. So, to all the mamas that are struggling with loving the beautiful pouch, or a little leg flab, and very used boobs, You are so sexy & it's okay to struggle in the same token.

I've read body positive articles that tell me to love the skin I'm in, embrace my stretch marks, and be thankful that I carried life... all of which, yes, I am all about that, but can we address the elephant in the room? Sometimes that is just straight up hard to do! Let me mourn what was, but still be grateful for what I have. I know my stretch marks can be fierce, but y'all, I don't want them. ha ha. 

I mean, I look at the cellulite on my one year old and think "man, I wish people said 'awwwwww', when they looked at my dimples on my legs. Shoot, I wish I said that! 

This is what I'm getting to, our bodies for so long have defined an identity we long to hold onto. Society has shaped avenues for us to fit in to love ourselves because... 

because we are worthy... PRAISE JESUS!

because we are more than our bodies... AMEN!

because we are beautiful with our flaws... GLORY!

because having the perfect body is not a requirement for love... HALLELUJAH! 

But, I want to address that if you are struggling with insecurity in your body, that is okay. It is normal and we all have been there or, we're still there. I know I am! 

I remember when Rhema was around 4 months old, Luna sat on my lap, grabbed my stomach and said "Mommy, it's like play-doh". Thanks, Luna girl. I can be honest, it kinda hurt. It made me feel like there was yet, another thing, that I haven't gotten into control. 

Now, I am a firm believer in using wisdom for every part of your overall health. I believe in healthy eating habits, sleep, exercise, vitamins, water, and all the goods... but, what I'm talking about is the road we take again and again... and again... 

I mean, it's pulling us from every platform:

Vegan.

Plant-based.

Keto.

Protein.

Does anyone get overwhelmed with what is right? What if I just want one bag of hot cheetos? Do we cycle back to guilt? Gahhhhh. okay, I'm getting sidetracked. Do you see what I mean? There is an overwhelming approach to what is right and when it's right for you. 

One night as I was doing a self-care routine, I decided this would be a great time to bring God in on the conversation. I was struggling. My skin was breaking out, I felt bloated because I ate too much sugar earlier, my eyes were looking tired and my body, well, I felt like it was disappointing me. I began to worry about the place I would never get to because I can lack discipline with three kids at home. And then!!! And then you feel guilty because so many people don't seem to have excuses. ughhh. The cycle of guilt and shame is relentless! 

Anyways, back to this conversation with God. I invited him in, told him how I was feeling, and asked for some positive feedback... God, help a sista out. 

He replied in a dream I recall so vividly and his words were so comforting:

"Naomi, your body is the capsule for my movement.

It is not a separate entity that you decide to give up on, 

It is where my authority resides & is working.

If you don't give care & give attention to your body, 

you can sever the time & ability to serve those I have entrusted around you."

dang, he did me like that.

I’ve learned that my body is not a tool to regulate how confident I feel about myself.

My body, created with my mind and my soul, is to be cared for and nurtured just the same. I can put more attention to my body than to my soul, and vice versa. We need to love our bodies because God created them with the same intricacies as he did our minds and hearts.

Is that hard in a world that offers fixes, updates, tightening, lifts and so on and so forth? Yes. Yes, it is.

But when we realized we were created a three part being, we can relax in knowing that God doesn’t make mistakes. Does it take work to keep a healthy body? duh. Does it require discipline on our end? duh.

But, so does the care for our minds and souls. God cares for my development in every aspect, even in my body. He gives the same grace in that aspect and that, that is something to behold.

My body, worthy of being a tool God can use. So, c’mon every body, EVERYBODY.