I bet it’s not actually what you are assuming at this point.

No, I’m not pregnant, we are not moving, and I am not becoming a stay at home mom. Lol. I guess this is a formal invitation to the “big secret” that these conversations will become an open forum. Meaning, yes, I am starting a blog. But, I don’t want it to be something that you just read and share for inspiration. I want this to be an invitation to join me alongside this journey of discovery and healing.

I specifically chose Valentine’s Day to launch this blog because above everything, I absolutely LOVE, love. Don’t we all? Looooooooveeeeeee, it even sounds contagious. Here is the one thing I’ve learned about love...it is what you make it to be. Yes, love can be tricky and even difficult, but love can also be captivating and foundational. Love is what guides a majority of the decisions we make in our lives and not necessarily in the best ways.

Ya want to know a big secret? Giann and I were actually married before our wedding ceremony. On June 22, 2015 we drove down to the courthouse to get our marriage certificate and made the decision to get married right then and there. That day! It was absolutely CRAZY.

I have a feeling I know what many of you are thinking, especially if you are Christian. “You did it so that you could have sex and not feel guilty!” Uhhh, NO! You see, when Giann and I first started dating it was our wise decision to date quietly, almost silently I would say. We both had the conversation of how immense the outside pressure was to be in a serious relationship. At the time, he was a very almost single dad with a baby boy just a little over a year old and I was stepping into a very new role in leadership. There was already enough pressure on both of our ends to make wise decisions, and I knew that for myself, I needed to get to know him on a level of depth that didn’t have a lot of opinions from others. I felt that many people would try to persuade me otherwise because he was a young tattooed hooligan with a kid. I mean, not ideal for a young Christian woman who was about to become a Women’s pastor, right?

So, with all the wisdom combined, we shared with our parents, mentors, and a very few close friends that we would embark on this new journey of dating. We would see each other at work and act like, well, coworkers. We would pass each other at church and kindly say hello. It was the BEST time of our lives; this time without any outside opinions, skewed perspectives, or negative input on our relationship. Again, you have to remember that we only allowed certain people to participate in this. I am in no way regarding that hiding a relationship is “goals”. I’m saying to be WISE with who you allow to speak into particular places of your life. For me, this was a deep place, it was uncharted territory. I knew that the women in my life who were going to have a front row seat were the ones who would go to battle for me in prayer, who would seek a whisper from the Holy Spirit, and who would champion not just me, but Giann as well. And well, it was the best.

We finally went “public” on good ol’ Instagram for the world to know that we had already been dating for almost six months. So for us to get married, just the two of us, that day was so sacred. Weddings can be stressful and overwhelming, but we decided that day, in that tiny courthouse, that from then on out, it would be OUR marriage, OUR fight, OUR love to pursue. There was something so raw about the emotion of that day. We had talked about getting married in secret for months and there it was. A beautiful Monday afternoon with nothing fancy to wear, but just the reality that we loved each other so deeply.

That first year of dating for us was so trying. I will definitely share more in a separate blog, but just to preface what that year held for us emotionally: Giann had been diagnosed with MS in July, his little brother passed away about a month later, and that Fall we had a grueling court issue with custody for Milo. There was so much heartbreak that first year. Then, we were finally making preparations for a full on wedding! And as beautiful as our wedding was, I constantly go back to that day in the courthouse where it was just the two of us, in tears, making a commitment to always be just us. Just after our commitment, we went to have tea at the very spot where we had our first date. We talked about how crazy we were to really just get married without a soul to know, but how special it was to do something just for us. In our marriage, I would have to say that putting those boundaries and sanctity of our marriage first is really what has kept us going; it’s knowing that the responsibility given to us by God has always been for each other and not for the thoughts, opinions, or perspectives of anyone else.

Who has God entrusted you with? And are you doing your best to guard and cultivate health in it?

         Well, you might be disappointed that the big secret wasn’t as big as you thought! But, I promise you to always be transparent, to invite you in on the realities of all things life, and to give you the best wisdom from Heaven that I possibly can. I hope you enjoy the bare bones of my life & I pray you come alongside me on the journey.