“Note to self:”

Note to self:
“You crave the deepness/depth of intimacy, but you settle for the surface of mediocrity”
September 15th, 2015

This was a note to my 30 year old self when I asked God to review my heart. The truth of that shattered all the assumptions I had made of myself. I had settled so much for the surface of purpose, people, and passion. Motivation wasn’t enough to keep me grounded into where I needed to be.

Depth.
meaning.
realization.
purpose.

It was true, I craved the depth of things I wasn’t willing to sacrifice the work of my pride. If you would’ve told me we would be in the middle of a global pandemic & I would be here again, redefining what it means to be me again, I would’ve laughed in your face. 

A cycle of disappointment begins to give the illusion that mediocrity is more than enough. That it isn’t as empty as it seems. We desire such greatness, higher mountain tops, top recognition and applause, but we lack the consistency of disciplining our flesh to guide our boundaries.

Who or what defines the person you want to be? Is it sculpted into a repetition of sacrificing momentary satisfactions? Or do we “pick up again” when we’ve now realized we need to be realigned? 

We want to change.
We are motivated to change.
We need to change, but there’s always a glimpse of tomorrow giving it’s excuses. 
And then the guilt sets in. Seven months into 2020 and our motivation is just as blurred as the days that come and go.

There’s momentum & then there’s sacrifice.
Momentum has to be built by outside circumstances.
Sacrifice is built by our own choices no matter what the outside circumstances may be.

We walk this thin line between grace and authority, but in that comes the sneaky halt of complacency. So, here is my letter to you, the one reading this, fighting for that second wind of “motivation” to get moving-

Darling woman,

Give yourself the sacred space to discover what your soul needs. Be gentle with the roles you choose to play. Forgive yourself for the expectations you assumed you’d meet. Discovery often times doesn’t end in a destination, but a transformation along the way. Redefining who and what you allow is embraced. Breathe in the beauty that you are already made of. Crave depth, fight for it, work towards it relentlessly because mediocrity was never meant to even enter your vocabulary. Understand it’s not just about loving yourself, but rejoicing however far you’ve come no matter the route. You are far more than just worthy, you are destiny in the flesh.